PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
