I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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