wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
