i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
