I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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