Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
