so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize