And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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