once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
