morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my being single is dangerous.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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