the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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