He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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