he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
birth control should be required to get into college
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
