just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
