Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
