Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
