I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
