Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
