Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
