First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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