i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
