I heard we made out
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
