I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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