um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
