Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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