It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
