Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
