Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
