Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
