This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
