life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
