I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
