please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
