Fuck appropriateness.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
