So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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