A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
