all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
