ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Panties = found
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
