You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize