it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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