i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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