were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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