walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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