I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
