I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
