dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
