imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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