OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
