As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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