that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
