Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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