I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize