But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
