it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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