Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
