I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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