I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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