She said her name was "party"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
