just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize