PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
