take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
