She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
