I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
