I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
