I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
