sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
