thus making me awesome and them whores
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
