oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
