I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
