Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
