Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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