first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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