I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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