The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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