On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
